What Stops You?
Have you ever had a terrific idea which you didn’t act on? Of course you have. I don’t mean anything fancy either. Nothing earth-shattering. Just a plain old-fashioned good idea which would have made you more money. But you didn’t get moving on it.

Oh well.

I have a friend I’ll call Kenny. Kenny is an independent management consultant and a deep, creative thinker. I have great respect for his abilities to understand his clients and develop unique solutions for them. But he isn’t very successful. His business is ok, but hardly booming–and certainly not where he says he’d like it to be. He works with interesting people–just never enough of them. And aside from soliciting referrals, he does nothing to increase his overall practice.

The funny thing is, this guy has more brilliant ideas about how to build his business than anyone I know. The problem is he doesn’t implement any of them. Kenny is just one of those people who stops before he ever gets started.

So much for Kenny. What about you?

Do you have more ideas than action steps? Why don’t you just get going?

I encounter this issue often with people who have tons of great ideas about what to do next, that never get implemented. And they want to know why.

Have you thought about what stops you from acting on ideas or programs which could bring rich rewards?

I have, and I think there are several simple reasons.

1. Lack of an inspiring, motivating purpose

Why should we do anything? Why indeed! That missing why is called purpose. Without a strong purpose the urgent things take over. The ringing telephone takes over. “You’ve Got Mail” takes over. The knock at the door takes over. Inertia takes over.

In physics we learn that it takes additional energy to break free of inertia. A powerful purpose adds that energy. Energy that organizes your actions, and brings the important things to the fore. To break free of the inertia of your current routine, you need an inspiring purpose.

2. No clear vision

Imagine yourself at a six-way intersection in a fog so thick you can’t see a single landmark. You can’t even read the road signs. Which way will you go? If you do pick a direction, will you be confident about setting out, or will you proceed slowly, hoping for the fog to clear a bit before you pick up the pace?

Everybody wants to go somewhere–at least everybody in business does. But without a clear vision you can’t see where you want to go. And if you don’t see it, you won’t proceed aggressively and confidently on a course toward it– whatever it is–will you? So even if you craft a plan–to take you…somewhere, you aren’t likely to execute it. At least not anytime soon.

3. Not willing to make sacrifices or do the work

You already have more than enough to do, and whatever else you take on means something has to be set aside. Sacrifice means giving up something of value for something of even greater value. Which means there is something more valuable to sacrifice for. And you haven’t clarified what that ‘something’ is. Or maybe you aren’t sure that it is worth it.

In this same category I put: giving up free time, relaxation time, play time, or whatever. But it always comes down to sacrifice, and the big question is, is it worth it. (By the way, I plead guilty to this one. There are times when I feel I have something important to accomplish, I just don’t feel it’s important enough to get off the couch for. What gets me moving is reciting the litany of purpose: “Why did I feel it was important? And what will happen because of that? And why is THAT important? And so on.)

4. Lack of belief

If you are certain something will work, there is no risk and you will likely take action. On the other hand, if you are uncertain–and most things are uncertain to some degree–you wonder if it the risk is worth it.

So what do you believe? Do you believe your actions will pay off or not? If you aren’t sure, how much effort will you put into it? Will you hesitate? Postpone? Procrastinate? Go at half-speed?

Or maybe ‘it’ will work, in someone’s hands, but you don’t believe it will work in yours. In other words, you lack of confidence that you can get it done, and the risk is too great.

Each of these issues can be addressed by having a powerful purpose–and an inspiring set goals to achieve. When these are strong enough, they make the potential reward that much bigger and alter the risk-reward ratio in favor of action.

5. Fear

Sometimes it comes down to fear. You have a vision and a purpose, and you think the risks are acceptable. But what if it doesn’t work out. Then what? That’s fear. It won’t work out the way you want it to. What will you be left with then? Or even worse, not only will it not work out, but something bad will come as a result of it.

6. Everything else

You just have other things to do. Like what? Like the day- to-day stuff of running your business or doing your job. You can’t just keep piling it on, can you? No, you can’t. The question is, are the things you are already doing all worth while? Should some of it be delegated? Should some of it be dumped, or put on the back burner?

Once again, you must weight what you are already doing against your purpose and goals. If your existing action set is effectively driving you towards your goals, there’s no need to do more. But if you aren’t moving sure-footedly in that direction, then you need to shift things around and make room for what will.

You may have to realign your priorities, and reevaluate your options so that your available time and energy is dedicated to moving you in the right direction.

What about you?

What stops you? Any one of these six things can hold you back, or it may be a combination of things. Once you identify what stops you, it is much easier to address and get moving. Now you can transform your ideas into an action plan.

Mindfulness can help us deal with difficult situations — from ordinary every day difficulties like losing your cell phone to more extreme difficulties like failing a class, breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, having a friend go to jail or maybe even going to jail yourself, getting pregnant or grieving a death in your family or community.

Mindfulness is much more than just watching the breath. The power and beauty of mindfulness is that using it helps me when things are most difficult.

PEACE is an acronym for a practice that can be used in any difficult situation. Perhaps you can begin by practicing with small daily irritations. Those of you dealing with more extreme circumstances may need to repeat the practice many times a day, and you may also want to get additional help from a friend, a parent, a counselor, or a doctor.

The practice goes like this.

P– P is for pause. When you become aware that things are difficult, pause.

E– E is for exhale. When you exhale you may want to let out a sigh, or a groan, or even weep. And after you exhale you want to…Inhale. Just keep breathing.

A– A is for acknowledge, accept, allow. As you continue to breathe, acknowledge the situation as it is. Your backpack with all your stuff is gone, your parents are getting divorced, your best friend is now dating the person who just became your ex… Acknowledging a situation doesn’t mean you are happy about it. It just means that you recognize the situation is as it is, whether you like it or not.

Accept the situation, and your reaction to it. You are furious, devastated, heartbroken, jealous, or all of the above.

Allow your experience. Do your best to rest in the Still Quiet Place and watch the thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. Notice when you are tempted to suppress your experience by pretending you are fine, or to create additional drama by rehashing things in your head or with friends. And allow this, too. See if you can discover a middle way: having your thoughts and feelings, without your thoughts and feelings having you and making you act in ways you may regret.

C– C is for choose. When you are ready, and this may take a few moments, days, weeks or even months, choose how you will respond. At its best, responding involves some additional Cs.

Clarity: being clear about what you want, what your limits are, what you are responsible for.
Courage: the courage to speak your truth, and to hear the truth of others.
Compassion: compassion for yourself, for others, and for how incredibly difficult it sometimes is to be a human being, and
Comedy: (Actually, I prefer the word humor, but it doesn’t start with C.) It is amazing what a sense of humor and a willingness to not take ourselves too seriously can do.
E– E is for engage. After you have paused, exhaled, allowed, and chosen your response, you are ready to engage with people, with the situation, with life.

Remember, if it is possible, practice with small upsets first. For extreme circumstances you may have to repeat this process over and over and receive additional support. The more you practice, the more PEACE you will have.

Typically these practices are followed by a discussion or journaling about the following:

What came up for you during the practice?
Are there situations in your life where this practice might be helpful?
Are you willing to practice PEACE when difficulties arise during this coming week?

Understanding your thought patterns and how the brain works provides a frame of reference for improving your self-esteem.

Brain Pathways

The brain is made up of cells called neurons. These cells have nerve endings called synapses and dendrites. Nerve endings release chemical and electrical stimuli to communicate with each other. This brain communication forms neuro-pathways in the brain and is the basis for how the brain works.

When you initially learn something the pathway or connection is weak. The more frequently you think a particular thought the stronger the pathway becomes, forming an automatic habit of thinking. We call this brain training.

Now that you understand how the brain works let’s take a look at an example:

Learning to Ride a Bike

At first you must pay attention to staying balanced, keeping your eyes on the road, holding onto the handlebars and steering in your desired direction. Then the more you practice, the stronger your bicycle riding pathways become.

Eventually you are able to get on your bike and ride without thinking. You’re operating on automatic. A strong brain pathway has been created as though new brain software has been uploaded and is seamlessly operating in your mind.

How Your Self Esteem is Formed

Your brain works the same way in forming how you think about yourself. As a child your thoughts about yourself are formed from the messages you’ve heard and believed from important and influential people in your life.

For example, if you were continually made fun of by classmates and not invited to play with them when you were a child, you have probably developed a low self-esteem thought pattern regarding friends and social situations. As a result, as an adult, obsessive thinking reflecting these patterns, may automatically surface in social gatherings where you experience anxiety, fear and nervousness based on thoughts like:

– People don’t like me

– I was only invited because they had to

– Nobody’s going to talk to me

– I don’t know what to say

These beliefs are what we call your dominant thought pattern. —They operate on automatic, like a habit, and are the thoughts that trigger, consciously or unconsciously your feelings and reactions to the circumstances of your life.

Good News: Thought Patterns Can Be Changed!

Continue to the Self-Esteem Coaching Program

It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.
— Wayne Dyer

My passion is me becoming free.

My inner world creates my outer world.

Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true.
— Brian Tracy